Tis the Season for Stumble Bums

It's that time of year when we start to get invites for our company holiday parties. I always enjoyed attending because usually the companies I worked for would spare no expense...which made the event a lot of fun. Great food, great conversation but then it happens - someone has way too much to drink and she turns into a drunken stumble bum. Why must this happen every year? Yes, I understand the alcohol is free and the band is playing a lot of good songs but please know when to say when. Of course there are men who also drink too much but I must say that everybody remembers the women. It is unfortunate but this is the way the world works. If you think it will not follow you back to the office on Monday, you are wrong. If you think it will not have an effect on your career, you are wrong again. It is better that you do not attend at all rather than make an ass of yourself. Sure, there are times when I went to work parties and holiday parties where I felt my cheeks get a little warm but luckily I immediately switched to water and redeemed myself. I was never that woman who was slurring when she spoke but let me tell you, I do remember the names of those who were. If you were the CEO of a company, would you promote someone who can't control their alcohol at a corporate event? If a person cannot control the amount they drink at a work function, the bottom line is that they demonstrate a lack of control and therefore make bad decisions. Period. Don't be that person. It is better to spend your time chatting with a lot of different people so they, and their significant others, have a good, lasting impression of you. This will go a long way and is something you will want to be remembered for on Monday.

I am not saying that if you and a couple of girlfriends go out after work, you need to be on your best behavior at all times but just use your head. Pay attention to new people and take the time to be trustworthy and earn the trust of others. It is important that you learn who the office gossips are and you stay away from them. It is not worth you going out after work with them one day if it will spark some false rumor.

To help you make it through this corporate party season, here are a list of rules to abide by-

1) Give yourself a drink limit before you walk in, and stick to it. Make this limit known to your boyfriend/date/husband
2) Eat something before you go. If cocktail hour and the meet-and-greet time will push dinner back several hours, don't start on an empty stomach
3) Don't choose an alcohol you never drink because it is free. If you normally drink white wine, why would you think vodka on the rocks would be a good choice for you?
4) Eat dinner. If you plan on having a few drinks, make sure you actually eat some food with substance to hold you through the entire event
5) Pass on the after party. There is no good reason why work people need to be out to 2AM or 3AM together. There is no good that can ever come of it
6) Do not shack up, make-out or spill your guts to coworkers. If you did not tell them when you are sober, there is no reason you should tell them when you are tipsy
7) Don't bring a new love interest to a corporate function. Not only can you hurt your career but the person you bring with you is representing you so make sure they know how to behave and do not embarrass you
8) If you have a Tweety Bird tattoo on your back from Spring Break in Cancun 5 years ago, find a way to cover it up so people aren't doing a double take. Trust me, nobody wants to see it

Enjoy your parties!

Thank God We Don't Need to Hunt Our Turkeys Anymore

I wish you all a very Happy Thanksgiving. For those who are cooking for the masses, God bless you. Be sure you take a few minutes to look around at your family and friends, and all you are thankful for this year. I know there is a lot in my life that I have been blessed with although I often look at things as half-empty.

I am lucky that I am only a Thanksgiving "Assistant" for short...a Thanksgiving "Ass". This means that I am the one that makes multiple runs to the grocery store, does the dishes and grabs the serving plates out of the hard-to-reach cabinets, high and low. However, I do not mind being the Ass because for all the years of my life, it allowed me to really look around and realize the work that goes into a holiday where there are 20+ people coming for dinner. There is days of work even though we have the modern convenience of Cuisinart blenders and food processors and high-tech ovens. I can't even begin to imagine the work that would need to go into a holiday back in the early 1900s.

After reflecting on all of this hard work, I can only say - God Bless Women. Over the years you have made every holiday what it is, and have built traditions. For this and many other things, I am truly grateful.

Happy Thanksgiving.

You Have Less Common Sense Than That Snack Bag of Peanuts

It never fails to amaze me every time I step into the security line at the airport that many people are just plain dumb. For some reason, no matter what time of day or night, when some people walk through the automatic doors of the airport, they leave all common sense behind. I am secure in my stance on this statement because I am not the most savvy of people when it comes to current events. I don't watch the news all that much and read the newspaper on Sundays although many times it is to clip coupons and "ohhh, ahhh" over stuff I will never buy. Sure, I browse the Internet to get the important local and political news but again, I am in no way a news-buff.

So, in saying all that, I have a hard time believing that the business men and women, and vacation travelers I encounter in the airport security line still do not think it is necessary to take off their shoes, throw out their new cup of coffee or leave their bottle of new perfume behind. Are you kidding me? I would say that 75% of the time I am traveling, I witness this argument. HELLOOOOO, DOES THE SHOE BOMBER or 9/11 RING A BELL TO YOU? Not only does it bother me that they are giving the airport security guards a hard time, but they are bothering me because they are holding up the line and have their heads so far up their arse that they did not hear the announcements every 2 minutes over the airport loudspeaker nor did they read the sign they just walked past to get into the security line.

Does the ease of modern technology bring stupidity? I would like to think it is the opposite. We have the world at our fingertips. Literally. We can search on the Internet, call, type and read anything with the click of a button from our blackberry so why is it that we are too busy reading an email to hear an announcement or check what is acceptable on airplanes? This brings me to the conclusion that modern technology may be teaching us to over analyze. I think we now feel that if we do not get an email or call from an airlines before we leave for the airport, the security guidelines must not have changed...even though it is all over the Internet and news. However, now that I think about it, when I get my departure time text messages and reminder...it often states what you can and cannot bring on the plane, so I am clueless once again.

When I was a kid, we used our imagination so much to play house, store or even restaurant. We did role reversals, created complex scenarios and created games to keep ourselves occupied, and to have fun. I believe this has helped my generation to think past emails and use common sense to problem solve and keep up alert. Since it is hard to find a kid now that is more than 5 feet from a video game or computer, how do we teach them common sense? Better yet, how do we teach the security-line warriors common sense?

In some way, I think the smarter we become, the more dumb we get. Is there a way to have the best of both worlds? How can we make people start paying attention to what matters?

We're Not Playing Monopoly, You Can't Just Grab More

Let me start off by saying, Suze Orman is my hero. If you are not familiar with her, you may recognize her from her website. She is a financial wizard and is able to break it down in a way that I understand. Hence the reason I think she is wonderful ;)

Several years ago, I was having issues falling asleep and on Public Television I saw a special where she was talking to a large audience about their finances. This is always a difficult subject matter and I think pure confusion on the topic has lead this country down a road of foreclosures and empty pockets at retirement. Anyway, her motto was "People First, Then Money, Then Things". Basically she is say to protect your family, then your money then assets. It's quite simple when she explains yet all of my life, I got the sweats when I even thought about 401Ks, CDs, savings, Money Market Accounts...you name it. Why are so many women in the dark when it comes to money and financial issues?

I have yet to cross a male in my life that does not have somewhat of an understanding of where his money is invested and why. When I think back, I realize that I never was taught about this in school or by my father. In the past, was it just assumed that it would not be my issue to address? Maybe there are a lot of males in the dark on this topic but just don't express it. I am really not sure, I would like to hope males are not expressing their lack-of-knowledge because that would make me feel better from a female standpoint.

Recently, Suze spoke to an all female audience about debt and finances, and it scared the s**t out of me. There were so many women in the audience who were co-signers on homes and cars, had debt coming out of their ears and basically had no plan for the future or retirement. After hearing their questions and comments I realized I was not the only one in the dark and it triggered me to do something about it. I bought her book "The Young, Fabulous and Broke" and took a long hard look at my money. Although I am married and my husband has his own investments and stocks through work, that was not enough insurance for me. I wanted to have my own. I educated myself on Money Market accounts and now have a series of investments, which I contribute to monthly. Let me tell you, it feels wonderful and since the money is taken out of my bank account at the same time every month, I don't even feel it missing. I also realized that once you're educated, it is not that scary. It is important to ask people, get several opinions, review websites and books but at the end of the day, make your hard earned money work for you and your family.

If you do not have time to read up on this topic now, let me give you the Cliffs Notes from what I learned from Suze-
1) Think about your money - you work hard for it and it should be there when you need it
2) Be smart with credit cards - think long and hard about paying $200 for a $50 pair of shoes after interest. Sometimes things are worth the wait
3) Don't be made to feel guilty about co-signing or loaning people money - I understand your boyfriend may really want that car or your son may want to get this great condo but if you are responsible, that can ruin your life and credit for a long time

I would like to hear about where you learned about investing?
Do you know about investing?
Do you have your own investments for retirement or are they combined with your spouse?
Do you feel it is not important to have a 401K or a zero balance on your credit cards?

Is She Really a Twit?

We all have this girlfriend, the one who calls you every other week and pours her guts out about her husband/boyfriend...and wants your advice. You then talk her off the ledge, give her great words of advice and wisdom, and she agrees. You hang up the phone and feel good that you helped a friend. You get a call from the same friend later that week and it turns out she did not follow any of your advice and decided to stay in the same bad situation or mismanage her current situation.

What the hell do you do in this situation?

It is hard for me to cut friends off from my opinions and advice but after a certain point, there is no choice. You feel like the person is wasting your time. Is this the right attitude to have?

I guess this irks me because in our hearts, we all know the right answer. If you are in a situation where your husband/boyfriend/lover is abusive, you know, deep down, that you should leave. However I also know that sometimes it means more when you call your friends and hear them state the obvious. That sometimes offers the extra push you need to move forward with what you need to do. But how do we know what is right, hear what is right and then make the same mistakes over and over?

I really would like to believe that a few of my friends that fit this mold are not that stupid but when I continue to get these phone calls related to "what should I do?" I am really ready to lose my mind or temper with them. Is this a natural reaction? Should I be more patient because the obvious is not always that to some people?

Please know that I do not think that I have some special gift for knowing everything, nor am I always right and make the right decisions. I make a lot of mistakes and sometimes fall into the same traps but I am happy to say that when I make a mistake, I try to learn from it so it does not happen again. I also think twice before calling a girlfriend and pouring out my heart about the same issue 5 times a month.


How do you deal with the friend in your life that asks for too much advice without ever following it?

I Don't Want to Change...I Like Who I Am!

Ok I get it...years ago, women changed their last names to match their husband's so that on paper they were "joined" not to mention their children will have the same last name as them. By the wife taking her husband's last name, it appears that she is now a part of him and the single woman was left at the back of the chapel. Does changing your name mean the same thing now?

The question is, why do many women still change their last name? I was married almost two years ago and after long debate and a weaning-off-period, I decided to change my last name. In the business world, I use both last names. The reason I changed my last name was because I got sucked into the "children" vacuum and thought that one day down the road, I want my last name to match my children's. Maybe part of me thought that when I do have children, I wouldn't want anyone to mistake me for having a "bastard", another part of me thought that so many morals are going out the window that what is the harm in holding on to a family and long-standing tradition. Not sure what really made up my mind. What I am sure of is the fact that it was a PITA (pain in the arse) to go through the paperwork to change my name on everything - bank statements, credit cards, car, driver's license, business cards, etc. My name was on a lot of things and as I had already started the process, I was a bit scared. With each line I waited in to change my name, I was chipping away a little piece of what I had built - my name. With my name came a college diploma and a key to the working world where I built a great career and a name for myself.

So here is my question to you - do women who change their name show strength or weakness?

My husband is my lover and best friend. He supports my dreams and aspirations, inspires me to climb any ladder I so choose. I think my changing my name, I demonstrated strength because I was able to integrate my old self into my married self and build a new, stronger identity. I realized that even thought I built a name for myself in this world, there was a lot of bad and naivety that came along with it that I wanted to shake too. My new name, the married version of myself is confident, stable and strong. I am proud of the married woman that I am and my name although it was more of an adjustment that I expected.

I'd like to hear why you did or didn't change your name and what was your rationale.

Jenna Jameson - Business Woman or Slut?

Recently I noticed that Jenna Jameson's face has been plastered all over the web and on TV. She was on LA Ink and MTV's Cribs in the last 6 weeks (give me a break, I like to relax while watching mindless TV) and let me tell you, she has a lot to write home about. Her house, jewelry and clothing were amazing. Since I am not a fan of porn I never realized how much she was actually earning from her website and "movies". From what I learned, she manages all of her own finances, operates her websites, owns a production company and started a clothing line. Not bad for starting in amateur porn.

I find myself both intrigued and disgusted by her all at the same time. I envy her shit-kicker attitude and drive yet am disgusted because she is in the porn industry and is exploiting women. And, I often feel guilty for liking her business sense. I feel like she has broken through the glass ceiling yet the shards of glass are cutting my skin. Does that make any sense?

It is quite possible that I am super hard on her (in my mind) because she is a woman. Maybe I am catering to the double standard. I do not really hate Ron Jeremy...but I really don't think of him much either. Who is another example...let me think...President Clinton. I thought he was a great president and when I look back on his presidency now that Hilarie is in the spotlight, I really do not think about the whole Monica Lewinsky thing. So why can I not look past the dark side of successful women?

Ok, I would like to hear your thoughts on this topic. Are you too hard on women? Are you an equal opportunity hater? Do you tend to favor men? What are your thoughts on women who find success in shady places?

Stay-at-Home or Enjoy your Home?

I like to dabble in "touchy" subjects every now and again because I think they spark great debates. The most common debate I encounter between women in my age group and those of the older generation is - is it better to be a stay-at-home mom or a working mom?

The reason I titled this post "stay-at-home or enjoy your home" is because I do not believe both can be true. If you choose to be a stay-at-home mom and quit the working world after you have children - as my mother did - I believe that you grow to hate being at home and resent that you do not have much life outside of your children. This is not a theory, this is what I see in every one of my friends that chose this route. However, recently I discovered on MySpace, the story of Kaleb who was a victim of Shaken Baby Syndrome. This and only this made me ponder if returning to work after children is the right thing to do. Are those parents kicking themselves for leaving him with a sitter? Probably. Would I be? Of course.

Up until recently, I always believed that it is better to spend five enjoyable hours a day with your kids than 24 miserable ones. The thing that I am left to wonder about, is, are the 19 hours away from him/her going to provide them with what you could as a mother? In my younger days, I often dog-sat for multiple coworkers to make an extra couple of dollars. As I get older, I realize that I never really treated their dogs like I would treat my own. I was never mean or cruel at all...they just weren't my dogs. I had a hard time cuddling with them. Pardon the comparison but is this the same for children and caretakers?

As I entered high school and college, I really resented the fact that my mother could not answer my questions on the working world nor could she relate (refer to the "Does Anyone Care" post). I do not want the same experiences for my children but I also want to make sure they are with the best, most gentle caretaker I can find but how are you ever really sure about that from just references and an interview?

Another issue I have with mothers that stay home is that I feel the dynamic in their marriage shifts the day they quit their job. From that point forward, they are never an equal. They are someone living off another person regardless of the important work they are doing for the home and family. Will this ever change? Am I wrong about this perception?

I do not have any children yet but I am sure that when I do, I will take a look at this post and not know what the hell I was thinking at the time.

I would like to hear your thoughts and opinions on the benefits of working in and out of the home.

{Insert Eyeroll} Here Comes the Crybaby

We have to admit that we all know one, or maybe even we are one...or have been one now and again. I am talking about that woman in the office that cries at the drop of a dime. Personally, I cannot stand tears in business and I feel it pushes women back when it happens. Are emotional women unable to control the waterworks at all? Is this a medical condition?

Please don't get me wrong, there have been times - AT HOME - when I have cried because of stress, or a mistake I made, or a colleague that is laying into me, but I have never brought such emotions to the office. By the morning these emotions often pass and I don't even feel a need to cry anymore.

As strong, working women, is it our place to take the crybabies aside and let them know they are harming their career by being too emotional? Are they hurting their careers? I can't help but feel every time a male comes face to face with a woman in the office that is upset over work, there is an internal or outright eye roll. Maybe I am making this up but I swear I get the vibe of "here we go again...if you can't handle this business, maybe you should get out".

I would like to hear your thoughts on this topic, maybe I am overreacting.

No Fun in Sex Anymore

Over the years I am noticing that there is no fun in babymaking anymore, for many couples. My mom is one of 8 and my dad is one of 5...it appears that everyone was popping out multiple kids if they even looked at their spouse.

Nowadays, I hear so many horrror stories from couples who have been trying for months and years for one baby of their own. It seems that everyone is on fertility drugs and for some of them, there is still only a small reason for hope. What has changed in our society from that of long ago? Is it stress that is preventing us from conceiving? Is it the millions of electrical currents that are flying through the air that power our computers, cellphones, blackberries, etc? Could it be that we are just to busy to have sex now since we are working longer hours, taking on more family and friend obligations and pass out when we hit the bed? I would be interested to know if anyone is in medical field that can shed some light on this issue. I'm sure there has been multiple case studies and scientific findings that I just have not found yet.

To tell you the truth, it is scary. My husband and I have not tried to conceive yet but I am worried it may take a year or more. I read all of the articles on how to increase your chances for conception but there are so many couples now that have tried it all with no luck. A friend of a friend of mine is headed toward in-vitro for $20K in hope of starting a family.

Any thoughts (scientific or personal feelings) on this topic?

Purse or European Carry-All (Man Purse)?

For all you working women out there, let's talk about who manages the finances in your home.

In my household, there is one joint checking account which is used to pay the bills, one savings account and then we each have our own checking account that we manage. Basically my husband gives me money to pay the bills and it is paid from our joint account yet for some reason I need to hold on to my own money, in a separate account. The thought of combining everything stares me. I trust my husband but for some reason I need to see that I have something. I have money as an "I" and not a "We".

Is this method crazy?

I know women who combine everything once married and those who operate like we do. I say if our method is working...don't break it but I am curious to know if it was easy or hard for women to combine? Who's idea was it?

People still use the "N" word?

I really can't believe that it is the year 2007 yet there are still walking, breathing racists among us. Sure, there are the morons who still walk around and honestly believe in "white power" but I blame that on lack of teeth and brain cells. I guess what I should say is that every now and again, I still manage to stumble upon someone who is an outward racist. Words, phrases and all. I am always quick to make a comment in return so they know I do not think that way nor do I tolerate those thoughts or language in my presence but again, it does not fail to baffle me.

I ask the question...are there racist members of your immediate or extended family? Coworkers? Local watering hole? How do you put the ki-bosh on their comments without stooping to their level and get into an all out screaming match?

Here is another question...have you ever stumbled upon a degrading/racist conversation where you were the race/religion they were speaking of? How did you handle that?

I cannot even begin to say I know how it feels to at the end of a racist comment...or have a racist comment directed at me, however, I grew up in the poor part of town and it has its stereotypes. When I was growing up, I never really met people from outside my little neighborhood so I didn't know these stereotypes were there until I entered the working world. Usually over drinks after work, there was always a comment or two that came up about people from my part of town. Since I was so new to the working world, I did not know how to take these comments. People where I grew up were thought of as stupid, racist, meatheads for lack of a better term.
In fact, it really made me look at where I grew up and not want to be like the rest of the people I knew. When I was able to step out of the world I knew and look in, I did not like what I saw and again, I was nothing like the people I grew up with. I wanted a lot out of life and I hold myself to that everyday. And let's face it, every woman has been at the tale end of an awkward look or comment in the working world, mechanics, real estate realm. It really does suck so why does it continue on with others?

Anywho, back to the matter of racists. I go off on tangents sometimes...you'll have to excuse me.

I just read today that Dog the Bounty Hunter was taped saying the "N" word by his own son. It hit me like a ton of bricks again, as it always does. How do people still use that word? How do people even think like that? The best is that he went on TV and said that he is so close to black people that he felt he could use that word but he realizes he is "not black". WTF?!? What kind of cock-a-may-me s**t is that?

Well, that's about all I have to say on this subject. The human race often does not impress me, in fact it disappoints me. Will this be the same for my children when they are my age? Is there hope in the world?

What to do with a Cheater

I've watched the show "Cheaters" on multiple occasions but I am happy to say that I never experienced a friend of mine come to me and say their spouse is cheating...until today. She high-jacked the cell phone bill and realized the call at 1AM from his "mom" was not from his mom at all. She confronted, a story was made up about it being a long lost friend and nothing more.

So now what? Is there life after cheating? Is there ever trust after cheating?

It is easy to sit back and give a laundry list of things you would do in the situation if that was your spouse...but would you? Would you confront it or would you (do you) choose to look the other way?

Thoughts?

To Birth or Not To Birth...

Can someone please answer me one question...When The Hell is a Good Time to Pop A Kid Out? So far my career is in a good place, I have a supportive husband and family but I am scared to death about lugging a kid around. Is it really that bad? Is it true that "it's different when it's your own"?

I have witnessed the strongest and most independent women turn to mush when they get pregnant and have babies. Is this going to be me?

I would like to hear from you about when you knew it was the right time. If you had a "surprise", is it true you would not change it for the world? Give me some food for thought. Lay it on me.

Danke.

Does Anybody Even Care?

This is a question I often ask myself...I mean sometimes people will ask how I am but when I go on to explain, it's like they are not even there. I am an Online Marketing Consultant. For those (parents/grandparents/in-laws) that are not computer savvy, I feel I have a great way of breaking down what I do but the problem is that I don't think they really care. Sure, they ask but I don't think they care. When I ask them how they are doing...I care. I reiterate what they say, ask questions, and show genuine care and concern. Is it that I am dealing with people who lack intelligence or manners? Why do I care if they don't care? Not real sure but it irks the hell out of me...what about you?

The Working Woman

Well, since there are always so many thoughts running through my head, I say it is about time to actually jot them all down. First reason is so I can prove that I am sane. It would be beneficial to me to hear other women, like myself, share my thoughts, dreams, concerns about life. Second, I think creating a non-cookie-cutter blog is just what the web needs. I don't have much free time but I think thi will bring me enjoyment.

I want this to be an open discussion. Please read, reply, rant, rave...whatever. Just don't spam me.

To give you a bit of a background, I am just another working woman in this world trying to balance work, a marriage, friendships as well as being a good member of society, daughter, sister, granddaughter, friend, employee and every other piece of the world's puzzle that I am.

If you are reading it, you know that life is tough. There are ups and downs, negatives and positives, yadda yadda. The thing that always gets me is the question of "Is this the right time for ____". There are the women of the world that don't really think and just do. Frankly that is a dumb way to run a life but I envy that in some regard. I often overthink and try to have everything laid out in front of me except for when I make purchases?!? What is wrong with me.

So let this be our first point of discussion, fill in the blank -
Is This The Right Time For __________

How long have you thought about this?
What is the pro and con list?

I gave you a topic...

Discuss.